Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” “Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.“Always borrow money from a pessimist.But it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems.But sometimes, it’s the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.” “Letting go of a loved one can be hard.You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.” “You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.The problem is no one runs in your family.” The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family.“The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.”.“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal!”.“Worrying works! More than 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen.”.My first experience with culture shock? Probably when I peed on an electric fence.”.“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”.But teach a man to fish, and you saved yourself a fish, haven’t you?” “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.I realized that the other day inside my fort.” But it was no match for me at kickboxing.” But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.” “I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day.It’s pretty cute until it poops on your head.” Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.I get to the end and I think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.'” “I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.” “I always take life with a grain of salt.
This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.” I have a huge collection of most offensive one liners jokes and Dirty one liners.
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